就是喜欢你 :)

不好意思呀各位，

到现在才甘愿写点东西，

还一来就写得那么恶心。

没办法，

现在脑里心里都只有他。 :)

这段波折连连的感情，

不知道能够发展到什么程度，不知道会延续到什么时候。

不过说真的，

这是我第一次想认真，想努力去维持的一段。

这次的这个他，

是我没有预想过的。

他不完全符合我为未来男朋友设下的条件，

也不是什么超级完美的人。

但，就像标题里显示的一样，就是喜欢他。

你们读到这里，一定觉得我是个大花痴。

可能我真的是吧 @.@

为什么说波折不断？

我也解释不太出来。

1. 可能刚开始我们两方都不太确定在一起到底是对还是错。

2.我身边的人都反对

3. 我们两个人之间缺乏最重要的信任。

4. 我的大小姐脾气。（超严重）

这几天下来，

我对他真的只有越来越喜欢。

有时候甚至不明白到底全世界在反对什么。

不过照情况看来，

现在反对的人都懒得劝我，懒得理，懒得去反对了。

你们的好意我都明白也都心领了，

就让我去努力一次吧。

不管以后会怎样，你们都已经尽力劝我了我当然也不可能再去怪你们 :)

至少到目前为止，

他对我可说是真的很好很好的。

不要看他整天摆个臭脸，他有他很好的另一面。

不要以为他大男人主义，他其实可以很温柔，很体贴，也很疼我。

反而比较霸道的好像是我 @.@

总而言之，

这次我会很努力，

即使会受伤，或许也不会很长久，可能会有很痛的一天，

我都会觉得很值得，

可能我真的傻得可以，

但这个人，我真的真的好喜欢。

朋友们，

你们就祝福我吧。

永远爱你们 :)

我压力超大！ 看！ 还不明显meh？！

天啊 @@

Back to where I belong :)

终于回来了！

暂时没有什么特别的事情

只是回到来可以和家人相处

就已经很满足,很幸福了 :)

my brother and i! :)

Hi People! :)

just a picture to avoid from an empty-looking blogpost :)

I'm gone for a long long time.
and i'm back with nothing to write.
nothing special. just tired.
and i miss home :'(

New Year, Everything NEW~!! 2011!

Hi people

i'm finally back again :)

First, sorry for letting my blog die over and over again.. and it actually died longer this time :DD

well, what can i say?

at least i'm not dead... :p

2011 is gonna be a freaking new and fun year..

without those lame crying bla bla bla..

so,

ask me what's NEW this year?

1. I'm a SENIOR now in school

this would be my last year of uniform-wearing :')

being a senior.

it makes me learn that i'm growing up like very very fast..

and it explains that i should be a grown-up and not an idiot love-to-cry-for-lame-reason kid

it's february now,

and i just realised i haven't cry yet..

not even once XD

I'm gonna prove to everyone that i'm a whole new ME! :)

2. new HAIR!

it's kinda like a challenge for me to change to this hairstyle.

cause i'm still in school

teachers DISALLOWED :(

but who cares!

so here i am with my new hair :)

honestly i love it

:))

3. i'll update again soon. cause i'm really really lazy :D

jia you.. :')

Now you guys probably think that the Jia You is for SPM

aiya but it's not laaa..

like usual..

I'm like crying again..

It's like this..

my friend is sad..

err ya my friend and not me..

I feel sad too of course..

Tell me you never feel sad for your friend and I'll kick you on your face like for 700 times.

It's not that I'm too bored and I have nothing to do so i just join the emo-ness or what.

I'm not that LAME okay

For those who love their friends will UNDERSTAND how I feel right now.

I cry because I know he's sad

but I don't know what can I do for him..

All in a sudden I feel like I'm really useless.

I'm like so so not helpful..

There's nothing I can do..

The only thing I know is CRY (like it helps).

Something I really wish that I could slap myself so that I could be stronger than this to help him go on..

All we left is TWO days..

Like what can I do?

It's already too late to help..

and even if I do something to change things..

It probably won't change either..

Now,

the only thing I'd wished for is that

He could strongly go through all the sadness.

and let everything vanish after these two days..

Of course it's hard..

I've tried the same thing for MONTHS..

but the feeling is still there, it's never gone..

so i guess this is what he's facing too.

JIA YOU buddy!

I know you can..

and I'll be there to support you forever :')

KK!!!! =)

I'm so HAPPY..

Daddy let me come back by plane because I'm alone :p

SEE this!!

I was like so SAKAI..

So, there's no more human who stands in the middle and show you what to do?

everything's is in this SMALL SCREEN :D

Not only this..

It even shows interesting places all over the country

But,

unfortunately I don't even feel like watching it because it's like soooo BORING =.=

Ignore my maybe SWOLLEN eyes..

I know they looked UGLY =.=

And this actually looks like a 300 years old PHOTO =.=

See the guy in RED?

He's a MONK..

And he's my daddy's step brother..

Which means he's my step uncle? :D

and i knew this only TODAY =.=

This is so NOT GOOD..

because I need to carry a HEAVY baggage and WALK a LONG WAY to the plane =.=

and it's like so TIRING..

They cannot just park the plane NEARER meh!! haiyo =.=

Next up,

Brother's Birthday!!!!! :)

Happy birthday to my beloved brother!! CODY O O!!! :)

*loves*

I'm NOT happy...

My last day in LABUAN...

Went out with MOMMY..

ate SATAYS and drank COCONUT water..

I've got a new DOG..

but,

I've lost my CAT.

everything changed since the puppy joined us..

since Prince (the cat) saw Yuki (the dog)

Prince changed,

he became soooo fierce to everyone at home..

and he hurted my lil bros and sisters and also me because he's too angry when he saw Yuki.. :(

Mommy was so angry with Prince and finally

mommy gave Prince to someone else ..

Prince ran all over the house when he knew mommy's gonna give him away...

I chased him all over the house too of course..

I've just only got him..

Then mommy come and pull him away from me..

I was so freaking SAD!

I cried out that moment..

I'll never have a chance to see him again..

I was having bad mood the whole day I don't even feel like eating!

Hope his new owner will treat him like how we treat him..

From now on,

There's no Prince to sleep with me anymore every night..

I MISS him so much

Bye, PRINCE.. :'(

Worries.. :'(

Back in LABUAN..

I'm suppose to be happy

and of course.. I "was"

I had BREAKFAST, LUNCH and TEA BREAK with MOMMY..

I had DINNER with DADDY..

A HEAVY but still AMAZING breakfast at home =)

I've spent most of my time with my MOMMY..

shopping with mommy was the BEST..

went for tea with mommy almost everyday here..

went to an AWESOME wedding dinner also with mommy

dinner night =)

EVERYTHING was FINE..

till TODAY..

i knew something that i was always afraid to know..

i was NOT SURPRISED.

but I'm seriously SAD!

Two of my FRIENDS who i really really CARE

are having health problems..

I can't help..

The only thing I can do is PRAY for them..

HOPE they'll be FINE..

but now the worst thing is..

ONE of this two..

I think it's MY FAULT..

like how can someone who's suppose to be healthy get diabetes huh?

and that's why I think it's ME!

few months ago..

I started bringing SWEETS and CHOCOLATES to school like EVERYDAY

and he ate like most of it =.=

okay i'm not sure about this but..

this is still relevant right?

I'm feeling EXTREME GUILT in me right now..

CRIED since the moment I knew this..

It's not really that SERIOUS la..

But I'm just SAD okay!

Don't judge me!

They're my FRIENDS and

I'm really really WORRIED..

Hope TWO of them will be alright..

anyone who've READ this..

PRAY for them too okay?

THANKS much much people =)

* You don't need to know who they are.. and you don't need to guess who they are..

It's enough for you to just pray.. without knowing who they are..

thanks.

San.Miguel!!! :)

Went for a BORING movie..
THE OTHER GUYS..
The poster looks nice with the rock on it..
and The Rock only appeared on screen for like ten or twenty minutes and DIED..
like WHAT THE HELL is this laaaa..
wasting rm9 watching noobs on screen
DUH!but anyway.. don't be influenced by what i've said..
maybe you'll think it's nice.so go WATCH IT :)
After movie..I went back home... (egg's house)
and egg bought 7 bottles of SAN MIGUEL LIGHT!!!
I was UNHAPPY and then ..
And SOOOOooo,
I grabbed one bottle and DRINK it!! :)

Weeeee~!!!

DADDY & MUMMY :)

Crying again..
BUT. for a different reason..
finally realised my stupidity for crying everyday for useless stuff..
now think back.. it's really so UNIMPORTANT if compared to my daddy and mummy
From NOW on! i won't cry for those senseless and silly stuff! it's just a waste of time.

until today..
i realised how much my FAMILY means to me..
how much i LOVE them.. and how much i MISS them..

sms-ed with daddy for a whole day..
daddy's having some problem..
i don't know what is it.. but daddy's worried..
he's worried that this problem might affect us..
daddy texted me everyday to ask me "Dear are you okay? Daddy's worried.. Don't talk to strangers okay.. Some annoying people is trying to disturb you girls. So please take care and don't let any strangers get near you girls.. "
like WHAT'S GOING ON?
Daddy never act like this before..
i've never seen him for months..
and i really hope daddy's gonna be alright..
whatever it is.. i just wish that it will be over very soon


You know..
i realised how bad am i to be a daughter like this..
1.i DON't even HAVE a PICTURE of my daddy and mummy!
2.i DON'T really MISS them before today..
3.i don't really call them but only wait for them to call..
4.the only thing i care is WHAT i WANT and WHAT i NEED..
i only contact them when i need something..
(especially when i'm lack of MONEY and when i feel like going shopping)
like what the hell am i doing?
how can i be such a psycho when daddy actually cares about me so much?
5. he DOESN'T even COMPLAIN or SCOLD me a single word
despite the money that i've spent is SO MUCH MORE than what he could afford to give..
6.When we go out for dinner..
I always order like more than two sets of food because i always think that the food sux
and daddy will always say "If not nice then don't eat la let's order something else"
7.i buy more than TWO HANDPHONES within a year
then the only thing daddy will say is "Up to you la.. Later daddy ask Uncle Liaw (the phone seller) how much is the price"
8. i buy almost THREE SHOES within a MONTH
and they are all CROCS with the price of more than rm100 each..
9. I moved from kk to labuan and labuan to kk again the next year without thinking how much daddy need to afford..
10. I always lie that i need money for SCHOOL'S STUFF when i actually spent them all for shopping..
11. I've never spend one whole day with my family cause i'm too busy hanging out with friends.
12. I never give birthday presents to daddy and mummy but only ask for mine when it's my birthday
13. I shout at them if i don't get what i want.
14. I only ORDER but i NEVER RESPECT them.
15. I do WHATEVER i want WITHOUT PERMISSIONS.
16. I always say "YOU NEVER CARE!" without caring how much these words hurt them

Only NOW that i REALISED
the only thing that i know is to ask for something when i never do anything for them!
If you're the same like me.
PLEASE CHANGE..
cause you'll realised one day how WRONG and how PATHETIC you are just like what am i feeling now!!
You're BORNed not only to let them LOVE YOU but you need to LOVE THEM too!
DON'T take things FOR GRANTED!!
DON'T remember their existence only when you NEED THEM!

and so,
I'm CHANGING MY ATTITUDE and i'll LOVE THEM MORE than anything and anyone else.
cause they LOVE ME more than i can imagine.


Going back home after two weeks..
I'm gonna spend as much as i can with my family
I have a "forever not gonna come true" wish..
That is to EAT DINNER TOGETHER with both daddy and mummy
It's never possible since 14 years ago daddy and mummy divorced.
forget it..
I'm still happy to see them..
Daddy & Mummy,
I LOVE YOU! :)

The HIM... :(

All in a sudden, memories came back..
NBA, camp, movies, fighting in class, competing for homeworks and results, singing the same songs and all the crap talkings..
maybe it's about busy-ness
or maybe other reasons
i honestly don't understand..
why things could change 360 degrees in just one day?
i lost everything.
memories or whatever.. just something really important for me..
lost the similarities, lost the understanding between each other..
i start to feel that my existence is already NOTHING.. and i'm NOT important at all..
i miss the old him.. the happy him.. the everyday singing (although it sounds bad) him.. the crazy him.. and the busybody him...
at least he's not sad.. not emo like now..
WHEN would that him come back? never?
the only thing i can say is... i really hope the old him would be back one day...Where is my old happy BEST FRIEND + BUDDY? i MISS that HIM!
:(

EXAM week!!! :(

Trial EXAM! :(
sleepless nights again..
stressful + tired..

Speechless...

Things are getting like more and more complicated.
First, two of them don't talk...
Then the previous one came back..
Then now,
I'm like the intermediate element in this matter..
and i don't even understand why am i doing this...
The starring is maaa best friend... then the other two are also my best buddies ever..
DUH!
I just want things to be simple laaa. The only thing i wished for is to see all of them smiling happily everyday..
BUT now what?
I cried like EVERY single night because i see him sad like EVERYDAY!
know how it feels ma?
I'm just sitting behind laaa.. It's really torturing you know..
When you see someone that you care being moody and sad the whole day long and doesn't even speak a single word..
Plus i need to see him act happy some more in front of his brothers...
NOT torturing meh like that!
Why don't just let things go on normally eh?
Why can't everyone of us be friends together.. Talk and laugh whole day long?
CANNOT MEH!!!
You all tired or not o?
i ADMIT i'm really tired having this intermediate junk job!

but i'm still willing to do it.. cause i really wanna see you guys happy!
not like NOW!

Come on laaa. It's our last year together..
I don't wanna cry for nothing every night like now...
I know cry helps nothing but i just can't stand seeing people that i care suffer like this..
Cannot just forget about relationships or whatever junk is it and just be HAPPY?
WAKE UP guys..

寂寞寂寞就好 :')

love this song :)

還是原來那個我 不過撂掉幾公升淚所以變瘦
對著鏡子我承諾 遲早我會換這張臉應對笑容

不算什麼 愛錯就愛錯
早點認錯 早一點解脫

我寂寞寂寞就好
這時候誰都別來安慰 擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了
想到 快瘋掉 死不了就還好

我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用來我回憶裡 微笑
我就不相信我會笨到 忘不了
賴著 不放掉 人本來就寂寞的
借來的都該還掉
我總會把你戒掉

還是原來那個你 是我自己做夢你又改變什麼
再多的愛也沒用 每個人有每個人的業障因果
會有什麼 什麼都沒有 早點看破 才看的見以後

我寂寞寂寞就好
這時候誰都別來安慰 擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了
想到 快瘋掉 死不了就還好

我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用來我回憶裡 微笑
我就不相信我會笨到 忘不了
賴著 不放掉 人本來就寂寞的
我總會把你戒掉

i'm tired....

today all in a sudden, things changed...
or maybe not to say in a sudden...
i realised changes since last week..
since chemis, the first period of saturday...
since the difficult invitations for movies..
and also since the movies...

i know he's never mine...
i should not act like this...
but before you guys blame me for this kind of behaviour..
ever think of what made me become like this?
before you guys fucking blame me for acting like a cry baby... please think!
who gave me hope?
and who gave me hope even when they know it's already impossible..
then i'm like a freaking dumb ass still dreaming in my own world?

or maybe it all started with that fucking wrong sent message!
yea like i wanted to...
i was just expressing my damn feeling la...
its not even important it doesn't even mean anything la!

you guys know how it feels like or not?
given more and more hopes and all in a sudden the truth came out..
i've already repeated so many times. it's a routine..
it's not about love or not..
is just it's already a part of my life...
all the messages all the movies all the whatever shit it is..
how am i suppose to accept it straight away?
if you're not happy with my attitude now then just leave me alone la!!!!!!
don't blame me for nothing

and before you guys fucking blame me for anything
think please!
when you have problems or whatever
did i ever treat you guys like this before?
i've listened to every single words although they were actually shits..
then what's so wrong for you to listen to mine now?
just let me spit it all out cannot meh!!!
BE FAIR can?

i'm already sad enough la...
then i need to face these kind of shit blame-ings again!
you don't even feel sorry meh!
these are for the fuckers...

**i'm sorry for being so rude but i dont care because you're treating me rude too!




as for my beloved babes...
sorry that i'm really so not okay these few days..
i'm glad that you guys really understand...
what i wanna say is
i really love you guys for being so supportive la..
especially huijun :)
thanks for being honest with me...
i can't really express how i feel la i can't find the correct vocab for all these..
but i'm having strong confidence that i'm gonna be fine soon
so don't worry okay...
just leave me alone when i cry or what...
yea i admit anyway i'm really a cry baby..
cryin helps a lot =.=
and bulat! thanks for accompanyin me all the time without complaining a single word :)

i love my babes
huijun bulat egg chen ai minyin =)

saturday and sunday with daddy and k :)

so before this claudia and i were thinking how to go out...because mummy's angry that we always go out
but what to do! got new movies mah.... :(

then suddenly daddy sms-edhi gals, daddy's goin to kk tomorrow...do u gals wanna stay out?
taadaaa...
so this was how we got out :D
the first thing i wanna share is FOOD!!!!

so this was for saturday... upperstar's chicken chop..
70% of flour with 30% of chicken...
so obviously.... NOT NICE LAAAAA!!! :(

next day... sunday night...LITTLE ITALY!!!!! :)

fresh tomato soup.yum :D


daddy's pizza :)
but i ate most of it =.=
and so sorry ah i was so hungry that i ate one piece before taking photo of the pizza :(
k's raviole :)
NICE!!!
claud's tiny spaghetti
errr...
okok la =.=taaaddaaaa...
my fettucini!
best food ever :D

ya... one day...

sorry for letting my blog dead for so long.. :)

and i'm actually writing about histories =.=
11th of july

me, yong yong, yanni, jenny and my sister went to hyatt!!
errr but with my mum =.=
we wanted to watched fifa's semi-final

but guess what?
until the end only i'm watching
duh.... all pigs....

but by the way those are the photos we took the 2nd day :)

memories :)

yesterday after school,
after havin two pizzas =.=
fam and i went to the basketball court... we sat there for quite long then we started chattin...



i never think that we will talk about him...
ya him..
all my memories just come back in a sudden.
then i realised i really do miss him more than anything..


two years ago, (or maybe three i dont know..)
27-12-07..
this him suddenly asked me can i be his girlfriend
ya i know he's not serious at all just for fun and because he's too bored or what
then i said.. go out together lo at 31st.. new year celebration mah..
okay then yea we went out,
i remember we were all together...
all couples.. although i know he dont think we were by that time
but i actually do like him...

i thought after that day then we will really be like couple lo
but then... nothing special at all.. sms call what also none..
then the day after that i told mummy about ohm and pai studyin in LIS...
then mummy said "why don't you come back to study?"
so i was like my god... should i?
after hours then i told mummy okay la... I'll move back!
speed leh..
the next day again i went for registration exam lo..
then i was like so happy and me,ohm and pai went to uk..

okay when we're errrrr.. shopping =.=
then i forgot who said he's going to move to our school..
which is the school that i just moved in laa
shocked nih!
SAME CLASS somemore o!
yup i was happy la by that time...
but i know he's not =.=
maybe he thinks that duh.. need to see her again =.=


then school starts....
i didn't really talk to him also and he never talks to me @.@
i sms him.. never reply =.=
i don't understand la are we even related... duh
then sure very sad one mah right...
cause i like him what!
see him talking with everyone with happy face when he saw me he will be like shit face..
jeeez
so i was moody and sad almost everyday la in school..
so from days to days...
my face everyday like shit..
sure guys saw also will sien one la...
so he said errr better break la..
i was like so damn f**king sad la that time =.=

yea so sadness continues...
i know dear ohm helped me so much to tell him that i really like him or what
aiya but if he doesn't like me also no use one la

so...
until this one day in March 2008..
he finds me back..
sms loo..
then i asked him to change his number to digi (okay this is not a point)
but i'm happy mah cause he really changed wor!
first time treat me so good what =.=
now think back i also think that i'm lame la i'm sorry @.@


then we're a couple again!!! :)
i remember...
everyday after school..
i told my mum that i'm having extra classes...
but actually i just wanna stay back and watch him swim..
oh damn he's really hot when he swims! xD
in class... we even sit together
spent like almost every hour together everyday...
recess, before school, after school, english, maths, science...
he's always with me...
the cutest part of him is when i teach him maths...
he will be like so confuse and he was really so cute! :)

of course
weekends... shopping together.. watch movies in his house... eat food that his mama cook.. and cook maggi together
all these freaking sweet memories...
all appeared in my head yesterday...
everything was so nice that year...

until 2009
i moved back to kk...
yea it's my decision..
don't ask me why...
it was a hard decision.. between studies and him..
of course i chosed studies....
because i know if i continue to be in labuan.. my future will be like shit =.=

so of course it was hard for us too...
i know he was damn worried about me..
but yea this is kk =.=
i was so so so so so so busy..
i have no time for him..
it's not that i don't miss him...
my room mates know too that i really miss him like hell.. sometimes cry somemore....
but what to do? i was really busy =.=

maybe he can't stand that i have no time for him la
then things start to change...
he starts to think that i dont care about him and i dont miss him at all...
so we started quarreling...
it was like every phone calls ended with fights...
i know it's because he's worried..
but i just cant stand it i cant deal with all these quarreling every night...
even until valentines day
we quarreled for the same reason again =.=

then finally by that night...
i really can't stand anymore..
and so.. we broke up :(
i cried like hell the whole night that day..
cryin with yanni beside me...
then the whole week i was actually really too sad for other things...
i can't focus in class..
i can't focus in everything..

okay but then we still did sms la after that...
many things happened...
we coupled back and broke up again too..
and every breaking up was all my decisions
and also the same reasons..

until this year...
we were together again after we broke up for almost a year..
but until the end.. we still broke up..
again for the same reason...

yea i admit... i do miss him...
but what to do?
everything will still be the same...
i'm here and he's there..
and plus i'm tryin hard to forget everything...
and i'm actually almost reaching success..

just suddenly yesterday we talked about him..
all the memories...
i know for myself in the bottom of my heart there's still a he..
i can't forget him no matter how long and how hard i try..
he'll always be a big part of my memories..

now...
i heard that he's gonna leave.. very soon...
and i know he doesn't want to
but it's still the truth... he's still leavin.
i hope i can see him once more before he leave...
at least for one last time..
or at least let me hug him once..
because i really really do miss him...
i know i'm not allowed to find him
there were so many times that i wanted to find him but i'm just to afraid to do so..
i'm scared that we will fight again...
because it makes me really really sad if we fight..

so... the only think i can do is to hope that he's fine...
he started smoking and drinks a lot after we broke up...
i really hope that he will be the him that i know in form three again...
i want to see the funny and cute him again..
i wanna see him smile..
i don't know when will he move
but i hope he can be happy after moving to kl..
sincerely wish him luck...
and most of all..
i love him very very much... :)

nice! :)

new song from leehom... jeng :)
LOVE IT MUCH!!!!



小时候 你想要什么
我要一台大大蓝色的飞机
带我环游世界 到地球每一个角落
在蓝天白云中穿梭

而长大以后 我想要什么
我要一台小小红色答录机
和你一起录下 喂 我们现在不在家
蓝色变成红色因为你

柴米油盐酱醋茶
一 点一滴都是幸福在发芽
月儿弯弯爱的傻
有了你什么都不差

小时候 你想要什么
我要一台大大蓝色的飞机
带我环 游世界 去地球每一个角落
在蓝天白云中穿梭

喔 长大以后 我想要什么
我要一台小小红色答录机
和你一起录下 喂 我们现在不在家
蓝色变成红色因为你

柴米油 盐酱醋茶
一点一滴都是幸福在发芽
月儿弯弯爱的傻
有了你什么都 不差

给你快乐无论白天黑夜
握紧双手就算刮风下雨
我就是要你 要你待在我身边
保护你直到永远

柴米油盐酱醋茶
一 点一滴都是幸福在发芽
月儿弯弯爱的傻
有了你什么都不差

月儿弯弯爱的傻
没有一个理由 活的那么复杂
有了你 什么都不差