memories :)

yesterday after school,
after havin two pizzas =.=
fam and i went to the basketball court... we sat there for quite long then we started chattin...



i never think that we will talk about him...
ya him..
all my memories just come back in a sudden.
then i realised i really do miss him more than anything..


two years ago, (or maybe three i dont know..)
27-12-07..
this him suddenly asked me can i be his girlfriend
ya i know he's not serious at all just for fun and because he's too bored or what
then i said.. go out together lo at 31st.. new year celebration mah..
okay then yea we went out,
i remember we were all together...
all couples.. although i know he dont think we were by that time
but i actually do like him...

i thought after that day then we will really be like couple lo
but then... nothing special at all.. sms call what also none..
then the day after that i told mummy about ohm and pai studyin in LIS...
then mummy said "why don't you come back to study?"
so i was like my god... should i?
after hours then i told mummy okay la... I'll move back!
speed leh..
the next day again i went for registration exam lo..
then i was like so happy and me,ohm and pai went to uk..

okay when we're errrrr.. shopping =.=
then i forgot who said he's going to move to our school..
which is the school that i just moved in laa
shocked nih!
SAME CLASS somemore o!
yup i was happy la by that time...
but i know he's not =.=
maybe he thinks that duh.. need to see her again =.=


then school starts....
i didn't really talk to him also and he never talks to me @.@
i sms him.. never reply =.=
i don't understand la are we even related... duh
then sure very sad one mah right...
cause i like him what!
see him talking with everyone with happy face when he saw me he will be like shit face..
jeeez
so i was moody and sad almost everyday la in school..
so from days to days...
my face everyday like shit..
sure guys saw also will sien one la...
so he said errr better break la..
i was like so damn f**king sad la that time =.=

yea so sadness continues...
i know dear ohm helped me so much to tell him that i really like him or what
aiya but if he doesn't like me also no use one la

so...
until this one day in March 2008..
he finds me back..
sms loo..
then i asked him to change his number to digi (okay this is not a point)
but i'm happy mah cause he really changed wor!
first time treat me so good what =.=
now think back i also think that i'm lame la i'm sorry @.@


then we're a couple again!!! :)
i remember...
everyday after school..
i told my mum that i'm having extra classes...
but actually i just wanna stay back and watch him swim..
oh damn he's really hot when he swims! xD
in class... we even sit together
spent like almost every hour together everyday...
recess, before school, after school, english, maths, science...
he's always with me...
the cutest part of him is when i teach him maths...
he will be like so confuse and he was really so cute! :)

of course
weekends... shopping together.. watch movies in his house... eat food that his mama cook.. and cook maggi together
all these freaking sweet memories...
all appeared in my head yesterday...
everything was so nice that year...

until 2009
i moved back to kk...
yea it's my decision..
don't ask me why...
it was a hard decision.. between studies and him..
of course i chosed studies....
because i know if i continue to be in labuan.. my future will be like shit =.=

so of course it was hard for us too...
i know he was damn worried about me..
but yea this is kk =.=
i was so so so so so so busy..
i have no time for him..
it's not that i don't miss him...
my room mates know too that i really miss him like hell.. sometimes cry somemore....
but what to do? i was really busy =.=

maybe he can't stand that i have no time for him la
then things start to change...
he starts to think that i dont care about him and i dont miss him at all...
so we started quarreling...
it was like every phone calls ended with fights...
i know it's because he's worried..
but i just cant stand it i cant deal with all these quarreling every night...
even until valentines day
we quarreled for the same reason again =.=

then finally by that night...
i really can't stand anymore..
and so.. we broke up :(
i cried like hell the whole night that day..
cryin with yanni beside me...
then the whole week i was actually really too sad for other things...
i can't focus in class..
i can't focus in everything..

okay but then we still did sms la after that...
many things happened...
we coupled back and broke up again too..
and every breaking up was all my decisions
and also the same reasons..

until this year...
we were together again after we broke up for almost a year..
but until the end.. we still broke up..
again for the same reason...

yea i admit... i do miss him...
but what to do?
everything will still be the same...
i'm here and he's there..
and plus i'm tryin hard to forget everything...
and i'm actually almost reaching success..

just suddenly yesterday we talked about him..
all the memories...
i know for myself in the bottom of my heart there's still a he..
i can't forget him no matter how long and how hard i try..
he'll always be a big part of my memories..

now...
i heard that he's gonna leave.. very soon...
and i know he doesn't want to
but it's still the truth... he's still leavin.
i hope i can see him once more before he leave...
at least for one last time..
or at least let me hug him once..
because i really really do miss him...
i know i'm not allowed to find him
there were so many times that i wanted to find him but i'm just to afraid to do so..
i'm scared that we will fight again...
because it makes me really really sad if we fight..

so... the only think i can do is to hope that he's fine...
he started smoking and drinks a lot after we broke up...
i really hope that he will be the him that i know in form three again...
i want to see the funny and cute him again..
i wanna see him smile..
i don't know when will he move
but i hope he can be happy after moving to kl..
sincerely wish him luck...
and most of all..
i love him very very much... :)

nice! :)

new song from leehom... jeng :)
LOVE IT MUCH!!!!



小时候 你想要什么
我要一台大大蓝色的飞机
带我环游世界 到地球每一个角落
在蓝天白云中穿梭

而长大以后 我想要什么
我要一台小小红色答录机
和你一起录下 喂 我们现在不在家
蓝色变成红色因为你

柴米油盐酱醋茶
一 点一滴都是幸福在发芽
月儿弯弯爱的傻
有了你什么都不差

小时候 你想要什么
我要一台大大蓝色的飞机
带我环 游世界 去地球每一个角落
在蓝天白云中穿梭

喔 长大以后 我想要什么
我要一台小小红色答录机
和你一起录下 喂 我们现在不在家
蓝色变成红色因为你

柴米油 盐酱醋茶
一点一滴都是幸福在发芽
月儿弯弯爱的傻
有了你什么都 不差

给你快乐无论白天黑夜
握紧双手就算刮风下雨
我就是要你 要你待在我身边
保护你直到永远

柴米油盐酱醋茶
一 点一滴都是幸福在发芽
月儿弯弯爱的傻
有了你什么都不差

月儿弯弯爱的傻
没有一个理由 活的那么复杂
有了你 什么都不差

in love.... :)

with this song! hahahaha :)


TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on A new beginning.
A reason for living. A deeper meaning.
I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...
And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of..
The highest power. In lonely hours. The tears devour you..
I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...
Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes 'cause it's standing right before you.
All that you will surely come...

don't ask me why okay.. i just love it :)

i love you all! :)

sorry for having my blog dead for a long time =.=

everything's is solved now...
we six are back together like last time :)
we can even talk about him together duh....

so since yesterday...
B and i are really fine already
we're having a sleep over in E's house
and obviously we did talk about him
because we even met his dad when we went out last night =.=

haha so everything's fine already
everyone's happy like usual especially ME!!! :)
i love you all laaa my buddies B C D E F! hahaha
x0x0

hmmmm...

yup here again...
today..
the first message in my phone is sent by someone that i've never thought of
hmmm yup we know each other but we never text each other =.=
so i was like uik?? why did he text me?
errr i must admit that he's cute
i kinda like think that he's a fun and good person
so yea sms lo
and then what i think was maybe if i text with him more
then i'll slowly forget that in my heart i actually wanna text the other him more

after a few messages,
i realised it's really not the same
this him and i have nothing in common
things we like, the way we talk
is just all different
but the other him?
even a little crap can be 20 or 30 messages

i don't wanna be mean or what
but if it's really like what my friends said that this him likes me
i think it will never work out
cause we're too different
we'll never be like the other him and i
although maybe it means nothing to the other him
but i just realised how much more important he is to me :)

so.. what can i do? :(

okay same like what HUIJUN (the lc po) said,
as usual, we were like sampatting again during ECA (the best time for sampats xD)
em um so i started the topic..
question :" how am i suppose to tell human B (one of my best friend laa)

her comes the STORY... :)

long long time ago.. i dont know when laaa
err.. probably this year...
i found that someone is really really important to me..
and i really really care about that someone
but there's nothing that i wanna do la just care la and continue to be good friends

and there's ONE DAY,
i realised something lo...
when i sms with him, then my friend (the B) will be like so so concern about what i'm chatting with him...
so i start to think that oh gui looo, she likes him?

then there's another day
night time
X and i were sitting together
then suddenly "szeyuen, i actually wanna tell you something laaa"
then i say "err okay i know what are u trying to say"
then she was shocked and of course she told me too laaaa she said "i like him"
@.@

soooooo, from that night,
the only thing that i said to myself is,
no matter what
i'm not gonna say out my feeling
i'll just give up (actually i never started to try) and let things fade away
i'll just support her to like him then :)

errrr.. anyway
as usual, i sms with him like almost everyday lo
but all talk crap one laaa
and u know laa
everyday woh... so it became a routine for me loo...
if he doesnt sms me i really will be sad one la
like really really sad and i will feel like so different bah without him
but i didnt wish things to be more than this la okay

so now, here comes the problem
there are six of us
A B C D E F
u'll probably think why i wanna put the 1st human as human B
because i wanna be A! xD
okay whatever
so in class
i'm sitting with C
then i told her everything la
i told D too (my best friend staying beside my room, or maybe u can say my neighbour)
then i told E too (E stands for EGG :) )
then i told F too (room mate + best friend of A)

yup then until the end everyone knows and only A doesn't
the longer the days the more i feel bad
so two days ago, finally she spoke out to C that she thinks that she is a outsider because she knows nothing
i wanted to tell her bah
but HOW!!!
i feel so bad and i'm so sorry
i dont want our friendship to become weaker from day to day
and that's why we five talked about this today
about How Should We Tell Her????



lastly,
there are two questions that i hope everyone who read this could help me up

1. What will you do when your best friend like someone as you do?
2. If your answer is "tell her", how should i tell her?


so people, help me please
i really dont know what can i do
i want six of us to be close forever and not like now!
i love my girls, B C D E and F.. xOxO